Longing for a country town, yearning for a home….

“A country town, a house so brown, a chimney rests on top

A lake beside, nothing to hide, just laughs and giggles all around

A garden that blossoms, wildflowers in the meadow that bloom, and a smell of tulips everywhere

Bushes and trees far and wide, a tree swing alongside, hey, look around - it’s evergreen.

Birds singing, leaves rustling, a hamlet in the hills across the lake

At times it’s the smell of rain, at times all sun and shine, the only constant being she

Oh, there she is! Out on the front porch, glasses on, reading a book, she is home!”

- Chahat Chugh

Growing up, I used to crave a home in a country town. A lake house with greenery all around, like the one in the poem. I dreamt of living in that house with all my favourite people. Wouldn’t it be the nicest thing if I open my eyes and see a beautiful sunrise over the lake, have coffee with a view of hamlet in the woodlands, go to sleep with the sounds of water gently lapping against the lakeshore?

Adulting made me realise that it takes time and effort to achieve goals. Adulting comes with a fair share of difficulties. We get so caught up in life admin, in arranging the day-to-day chores that we forget all about the innocent dreams our tiny brains formulated years ago.

A few years ago, while at work, my brain abruptly reminded me of my dream of a home beside the lake. I started pondering if I would get my ultimate happiness when I get to live in this home, with the people I love. I started imagining myself being physically and mentally fit, waking up to a beautiful sunrise in that home. It was also a poignant reminder that adulting presents itself with a different set of dreams and a different set of responsibilities. While life did coerce me into making a living and managing everyday chores, that dream still lingered at the back of my mind. Every now and then, I would find myself yearning for that home, weening it a quintessence of my ultimate happiness.

And then it happened. A couple of weeks ago, in the midst of a run, I stopped and looked around, felt the warmth of the setting sun on my skin, felt a gentle breeze blowing through my hair, and listened to the live music concert by the chirpy birds, I felt I was home.

A soothing realisation, an aura of tranquillity dawned on me - I am my own home. Home is where I am.

It was that moment of enlightenment when I realised that all along I had been linking my happiness to my goals, aspirations, and people.

“People should add to your happiness, not be your happiness” I am unsure if I heard this beautiful quote somewhere or if my heart conjured it, but I have adopted it as an axiom of my life. A room full of people provides me with so much joy, but so does being with myself. People stay, people leave, you know what stays forever with you? Your own self! This in no sense means that we should give up on the coveted lake house, that we stop setting goals, that we stop socialising, but just that our happiness shouldn’t be contingent on these things.

I had forgotten that happiness exists because I exist. I had forgotten that I have a home - my home, myself. I had forgotten that it was me all along - while exploring the streets of Paris by myself, or on a dinner date with myself in my favourite restaurant, or when I was sick and alone in my bed, I am my own happiness, I am my own home. Sure, it is fun to watch TV with your loved ones, but isn’t it more fun to lick your plate while watching your favourite TV show with no one watching/judging you?

The lake house is a great metaphor of looking for happiness in the future, looking for happiness in other people, and looking for happiness in things and goals. Happiness is cheap - it can be found in the smallest of things - a warm dinner, a nice book, a heavenly sunset, a bar of chocolate, warm hugs, or an afternoon nap. I will be happy when I get thin, I will be happy when I have a lake house, or I will be happy when I get married or have a family - postponing my happiness and leaving it hanging on some event in the future is a transaction, not happiness.

Does that mean that life would never get tough? Not at all, life will obviously pester and annoy you all the time, and you will go through turmoil and torment but life will also be beautiful. Remember what Dumbledore said, “Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if only one remembers to turn on the light.”